Archive for August, 2009

Adaptation Sales: “Pirate Latitudes”

Genre: Adventure

Author: Michael Crichton

Screenwriter: David Koepp

Logline: A daring plan is hatched to infiltrate Port Royal, one of the world’s richest and most notorious cities, and raid a Spanish galleon filled with treasure.

Five Techniques for Revealing Exposition

Dreaded exposition – the necessary but boring information every screenwriter fears will put an audience into a deep sleep. Most screenwriters agree the best way to present exposition is visually, but when that’s not possible and you’re forced to resort to expository dialogue it can be a challenge.  Here are five techniques to help you subtly reveal exposition through dialogue:

1. Present it in small portions
Don’t overwhelm the reader with too much information at once, break up the exposition into several scenes or among more than one character, such as this scene from Aliens:

BURKE
What’s he scanning for?

GORMAN
PDT’S.  Personal-Data Transmitters. Every adult colonist had one surgically implanted.

HUDSON
If they’re within twenty klicks we’ll read it out here, but so far…zip.

2. Imply the information
Instead of presenting the information directly, imply it.  Implied information engages the reader – actively involving him in the story as he tries to figure out the information.  In the film Escape From Alcatraz, the exposition surrounding Frank Morris’ childhood is implied:

CHARLEY BUTTS
What kind of childhood did you have?

FRANK MORRIS
Short.

3. Surround it with emotion
Camouflage the exposition with emotion. When the audience is emotionally impacted by a scene, they will not notice the exposition.  It can be any emotion: shock, fear, curiosity, anxiety, etc.  In Erin Brockovich, Susannah Grant provides plenty of exposition in this scene, which she surrounds with tension:

GEORGE
Come on. Gimme your number, I’ll call you up proper and ask you out and everything.

ERIN
You want my number?

GEORGE
I do.

ERIN
Which number do you want, George?

GEORGE
You got more than one?

ERIN
Shit, yeah. I got numbers coming out of my ears. Like, for instance, ten.

GEORGE
Ten?

ERIN
Sure. That’s one of my numbers. It’s how many months old my little girl is.

GEORGE
You got a little girl?

ERIN
Yeah. Sexy, huh? And here’s another: five. That’s how old my other daughter is. Seven is my son’s age. Two is how many times I been married and divorced. You getting all this? 16 is the number of dollars in my bank account. 454-3943 is my phone number. And with all the numbers I gave you, I’m guessing zero is the number of times you’re gonna call it.

4. Surround it with conflict or action
Distract the audience with conflict or action. In the Terminator, James Cameron presents a 10-minute scene full of nothing but exposition.  10 minutes of exposition!  But the audience never notices. While Reese is explaining to Sarah – and the audience – all the pertinent background information (where he’s from, why he’s there, what the future holds, what the Terminator is), the two are constantly surrounded by conflict and action (fleeing the police and engaging in a battle with the Terminator.)

5. Feed it to a hungry audience
Wait to reveal information until the audience is begging to know it.  Set up the desire for the reader to know the information by withholding it for as long as possible.  In Chinatown, Robert Towne carefully builds anticipation.  When Evelyn Mulwray’s secret in finally revealed, the audience is eager to hear the information.  Callie Khouri achieves the same effect with the build-up and presentation of Louise’s secret in Thelma and Louise.

Adaptation Sales: “Shining City”

Genre: Comedy

Author: Seth Greenland

Screenwriter: Jarrad Paul, Andrew Mogel

Logline: A recently unemployed suburban dad’s brother dies and leaves behind a dry cleaning business. He discovers that the business is a front for a prostitution ring, takes it over and starts yuppifying it.

Adaptation Sales: “Inside Out Girl”

Genre: Drama Romance

Author: Tish Cohen

Screenwriter: Allison Burnett

Logline: The divorced publisher of a magazine raises a rebellious teenage daughter and 12-year-old son and meets a widowed lawyer dealing with his daughter’s learning disorder.

How To Effectively Use a ‘Memory Flash’

Flashback scenes were once a popular device in Hollywood. Now they usually scream: amateur writer.  Readers don’t like ‘em.  They seem contrived. They shatter the barrier between reader and writer and stop the forward momentum of the story.

One reason why flashbacks undercut screenplays is that beginning writers frequently use them as crutches, as a way of getting necessary information (exposition) across to the audience. Unless flashbacks advance the story or generate their own excitement, most experienced writers avoid them.

Of course, successful screenwriters do incorporate flashbacks into their stories – but they use flashbacks as a storytelling device, meaning the flashback itself is an integral part of how the story unfolds.  Ted Tally effectively uses flashbacks in his script, Silence of the Lambs – for instance, when Clarice Starling runs into the parking lot after her initial meeting with Hannibal Lector, she flashes to a past memory of her father’s death (an integral part of the story as well as Clarice’s character arc).

I was recently introduced to a technique referred to as ‘memory flash’.  Unlike flashbacks, a ‘memory flash’ puts this “backstory” scene in forward motion. Instead of telling the audience what happened in the past, a ‘memory flash’ shows the affect that the past experience has on the present situation.

HOW TO EFFECTIVELY CREATE A MEMORY FLASH

1. Find an organic element in the scene to use as a “spark” – such as a couple kissing in a romantic bistro, a photograph of a soldier, a red dress hanging in a boutique display window.

2. This element ‘sparks’ a thought in the character’s mind allowing the reader to ‘see’ what the character is thinking in a visual way – in the present moment.

3. That thought then generates the character’s next action, decision or choice. The story continues to move forward and remains in the present.

YOUR TURN: What are your thoughts on, or experiences with, flashbacks and ‘memory flashes’?

15 Tips For Writing Scene Description

Think of a screenplay’s narrative description as visual poetry.  It should be clear, direct, minimal, and emotionally effective.

1. Don’t describe feelings and thoughts.
A screenplay is not a novel.  The viewer cannot see a character’s inner thoughts or feelings – they must be shown through action, conflict, and dialogue.  Johnny thought about Mary and felt sad, he realized she was gone. The audience can’t see Johnny is thinking about Mary, that he feels sad or has a realization.  Rewrite: Johnny stares at the bedroom closet, empty except for his belongings.  He grabs Mary’s photo from the side table and collapses on the bed. He cries uncontrollably.

2. Cut excessive ‘the’ and ‘that’
As the car pulls into the driveway, the kids dash across the street and present the homemade cookies to Mrs. Smith. ‘The’ is used five times in this sentence.  Rewrite: As the car pulls into the driveway, kids dash across the street and present homemade cookies to Mrs. Smith.

3. Do not describe dialogue
Unless it is background noise (The crowd booed the outlaw and cheered the sheriff), dialogue must be written. The outlaw yells insults at the sheriff. If an actor is going to speak the words, then write the dialogue.

OUTLAW:
You yellow-bellied coward, come and get me!

4. Ensure image order is correct
Images are created in the reader’s mind, in the order they are read.  Be sure to present the narrative in the correct order.  Molly and Jane shoot one another playing paint ball. “Molly and Jane shoot one another…” (OMG! Why did they shoot each other? And where did they get the guns?  What are little Davy and Tommy going to do without their moms? Oh, okay… I see, they were playing a game.) Rewrite: Playing paint ball, Molly and Jane shoot one another – or – Molly and Jane play paint ball and shoot one another.

5. Less is more
Create an instant picture for the reader with minimal words. Don’t describe every detail.  Your job is to evoke images – not describe them. The City of Angels lays spread out in all its splendor, like a bargain-basement Promised Land (Shane Black, Lethal Weapon)

6. Avoid camera directions
Directors don’t like to be directed – so unless you are the director, avoid including camera directions in your narrative.  There are many ways a writer can subtly ‘direct’ a scene without using “ANGLE ON”, “CUT TO”, “CLOSE UP ON”, “PAN TO”, and “INSERT”.  A lush, high-rise apartment complex. The moon reflected in glass.  Billowing curtains lead into the inner sanctum of a penthouse apartment. Spread-eagled on a sumptuous designer sofa lies the single most beautiful GIRL in the city (Shane Black, Lethal Weapon).  Without any camera direction, the reader (and camera) is subtly directed by the writer to see: the building from the outside, then the glass window, through the billowing curtains, into the room, and finally, the exposed girl lying on the sofa.

7. Avoid the passive voice
The active voice reads better on the page – and is more engaging for a reader. Here’s how to distinguish between ‘active’ versus ‘passive’ sentences: The subject of an active sentence performs the action of the verb (“I drive the car”) while in a passive sentence the subject is still the main character of the sentence, but something else performs the action (“The car is driven by me”).  Determine if the main subject of the sentence performs the action of the verb or if something else performs the action.  If the main verb is a linking verb (is, was, are, seems, to be, becomes) then there is no action and the verb simply describes a state of being.

8. Use positive descriptions
You create more impact with positive descriptions (rather than a negative description).  He was not a good-looking man vs. He had the face of a bulldog.

9. Get rid of adverbs
Adverbs are verb modifiers.  They weaken your writing.  Avoid them and choose strong verbs instead (‘run quickly’ becomes ‘ dash’, ‘falls heavily’ becomes ‘collapses’, etc.)

10. Avoid Intensifiers
Intensifiers modify adjectives.  They are meaningless.  Cut out: very, actually, really, usually, awfully, generally, basically, mostly, ultimately.

11. Stay away from present participles
Verbs ending in ‘ing” – talking, walking, etc.  Use: she talks, he walks

12. Don’t use ‘starts to’ or ‘begins to’
Using ‘starts to’ or ‘begins to’ is a sign of amateur writing.  Create more impact on the page by eliminating them from your writing.  Instead of she starts to run down the alleyway, write she runs down the alleyway.

13. Don’t use ‘there is’, there are’
‘There is’ and ‘there are’ is an unnecessary use of words.  There is a car and there are people should just be a car and people.

14. Avoid ‘we see’ and ‘we hear’
Unless you are Shane Black, avoid this technique.  ‘We see’ and ‘we hear’ eliminates the fictive bond between the reader and writer.  It removes the reader from the experience. Instead of we hear a group of men shouting, write a group of men shout.

15. Buy a Thesaurus
It’s a good investment.

Adaptation Sales: “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man”

Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man

Genre: Comedy

Author: Steve Harvey

Screenwriter: none attached

Logline: Advice for women seeking to better understand their male counterparts.

Adaptation Sales: Untitled (“Hank Williams: The Biography”)

Hank Williams: The Biography

Genre: Drama Bio

Author: Colin Escott

Screenwriter: Marc Abraham

Logline: Music legend Hank Williams, who grows up dirt poor in rural Alabama during the Depression, skyrockets to fame with 11 Number 1 hits. Haunted by demons and drug and alcohol addiction, Williams dies at the age of 29.

Adaptation Sales: “Time Of My Life”

Genre: Drama

Author: Allison Win Scott

Screenwriter: Nicole Eastman

Logline: A woman with a beautiful house in the suburbs, a loving husband, and a baby girl has a nagging feeling that something is missing. She wakes up one morning seven years in the past, in bed with a previous boyfriend, and discovers she has the chance to live her life again.

3 Tips for How to ‘Show’ (and not ‘Tell’)

The first “rule” in screenwriting is “show, don’t tell”.  A screenplay is emotionally powerful when it engages the reader.  When you “tell”, you communicate facts – when you “show”, you invite understanding.  “Telling” disconnects the reader from the material, while “showing” connects the reader.

A screenwriter should show specific details that enable the reader/viewer to reach a particular conclusion.  Present the dots and allow the reader to connect them.  In other words, show smoke, and let the reader infer fire.

“Show, don’t tell” doesn’t mean you can’t use dialogue to convey information.  It means don’t use “on the nose” dialogue, like:

“Joe is miserable since Jane died”
“Larry hates his job”

Your responsibility as a writer is to create scenes to show the reader/viewer that Joe is miserable and that Larry hates his job.

HOW TO ‘SHOW’:

1. Avoid excessive dialogue.
People don’t talk in long soliqueys expressing their emotions directly (“I love you, Tom”).  Eliminate all but the most essential dialogue.  Don’t use five words, when you can use one.

2. Keep exposition to a minimum.
Real people don’t explain their backstory to strangers or, even worse, reveal information to people that is already clearly known (“As you know, Bob, you’re my brother”).

3. When possible, convey the information visually.
Film is a visual medium, the more information you can convey with images, the better (the images of the urban city in Se7en reveal much, the reader/viewer can connect the dots and conclude how the characters are psychologically affected by their environment, without the screenwriter having to ‘tell’ the information in a direct manner.)

In this scene from Kramer vs. Kramer, it’s the morning after Ted’s wife, Joanna, has left him.  Screenwriter Robert Benton never tells the reader directly that Ted is scared, that he is proud, that he is defiant, that he’s indignant that his wife would dare to leave him and provide instructions for him to help him cope in her absence, that he is unsure of his parenting ability, that he is overwhelmed by the situation, that he lacks the skills to get his young son ready for school, that he is determined, that he wants to protect his son from the reality that his mother is gone, that he is stifling his rage, that he’s frustrated, that he’s insecure about the future, or that he’s resilient. Yet, all of this information is revealed in this one scene:
Ted looks around.  There, on the kitchen cabinet is a box of natural grain cereal, a jar of honey, some wheat germ, and a banana, with carefully written instructions from Joanna underneath.  He takes one look at the note, crumples it up and tosses it in the wastebasket.

TED
I’ll tell you what kiddo – why don’t I fix us some French toast?

BILLY
Wow! French toast, really?

TED
Sure.  Didn’t I ever tell you French toast was my specialty?  I’ll bet I never told you that.  Now then, the first thing we need is…
(trying desperately to remember)
… eggs!  Right?

Billy nods while Ted gets some eggs from the refrigerator.

TED
This is teriffic… isn’t this terrific?

As Ted begins the process of making French toast, it soon becomes obvious that he has no idea what he is doing.

TED
I’m having a good time… are you having a good time?

BILLY
You forgot the milk.

TED
That’s right.  You’re absolutely right… it’s been a long time since I made French toast.

BILLY
What about my orange juice?

TED
Right.  One O.J. coming up.

Black smoke begins to billow ominously from the frying pan.

BILLY
(scared)
Daddy!!!

Ted grabs the burning hot handle of the frying pan and lets out a howl of pain.  The whole mess – frying pan, butter, bread – crashes to the floor.

TED
Goddam!  Son of a bitch!

Billy sits silent, motionless.  Ted kneels down and begins to clean up the mess.

TED
It’s okay.  It’s gonna be okay… everything’s going to be alright.

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